An Eye for An Eye

by **sicilyzbest** » Jul 25th, '07, 11:38

ayo im back...

this is a verse im layin down on a track... lemme know

An eye For An Eye
an eye for an eye, its how we reply
from ancient times up to organized crime
confined in the mind, intertwined with mankind
its a sign of a kind to unwind and remind
if u try to end mine, it'll follow behind
a motto in rhyme, ill die, revive,and swallow your tribe
kilaminjaro is high, so ill jus borrow a dime
sparkin up like july, so tomorrow im fried
why reply (wait) when im just sittin in hate
spitting it great,pissed to the state im equipping a stake
for anyone who listens to fakes,or thinks britain is great
eye to eye face to face, ya gettin bit from a snake
made the mistake to wait, when shiftin ya weight
face down, as bait, youre adrift in a lake,
you're decicisions were great, mixed with pure laughter
livin was before, now you're more after

by **Tash8** » Jul 25th, '07, 18:49

Flow: Not Good, when your flowing your trying to usually flow to a snare, so when there's more syllables in one line then the other, then your pretty much not gonna be able to do that unless your rapping it way faster.

Rhymes: too simple, it seemed like you went on a rhyming website and tried to rhyme everything that rhymed with rhyme or something

I thought that by saying an eye for an eye, your gonna get vengeance or some shit like that but ...your talking about borrowing a dime or something..

keep at it

by **sicilyzbest** » Jul 25th, '07, 20:25

hahaha

by **Tash8** » Jul 26th, '07, 02:04

just being honest, i may not like that style of rap but others might, so don't let one feed get in your head.

by **James R.** » Jul 26th, '07, 20:12

Yeah the flow wasn't terrible but the rhyming was annoying. It really does sound like you went on a rhyme dictionary site and looked up everything that rhymed with 'eye' and just kept it going. And the line about Kilimanjaro didn't really make sense. It's cool to rhyme a lot and show a good vocabulary, but it was simplistic and just became annoying. Up your vocab, maybe rhyme some higher level 2-3-4 syllable words and you should be alright.