Venting Some Frustration...

[Steve Spag]

I’m gonna die young son and that’s a fact//
Alcohol, cigarettes, weed mixed with rap//
It’s a bad combition, add depression and suicide attempts//
One more on the way, I’m just dense//
I won’t bend, you can’t change me, there’s no physiatrist//
That’ll make change my mind if I’m gonna slit my wrists//
Only time can tell, if I’m escaping from this hell//
This land on the earth, I was sent to dwell//
And now I’m stuck in the past, reminiscing of my pacts//
That I had with these sluts, they all gone and turned their backs//
I’ve been harassed, I’ve been used, too long I was abused//
By everyone who knows me, I know it’s hard but true//
The truth hurts, I’ve been torn apart//
To this man that I am, skeleton without a heart//
But I’m smart, I aim my anger to the page//
To get me higher on the charts, slay these fakers with no game//

Let me know what you think.

[Rain Matrix]

u introduced tha topics a little quick, but there was some good rhymes used 2

[Tash8]

a bit 2 simple for me, add multis, that always adds complexity
then learn about wordplay, metas and shit

[C-Game]

well to be honest..
im thinkin ur just starting to connect rhymes
u got some good "words"
first off, sometimes ur flow is way off.. some lines are long and some are not...

unless u speed one line and slow down da next..

anyway ..read up some tutorials on da basic cats to write somethin..

if u need help.. u can PM me , 4d or anyone who drops regularly here..

[Steve Spag]

Well I did write it to a beat and the flow is perfectly for it, lol. But I can see how you didn't get that.

Thanks for the feedback.

[J Roc]

a bit 2 simple for me, add multis, that always adds complexity
then learn about wordplay, metas and shit

"To this man that I am, skeleton without a heart"

thats a meta4


on tha real,i liked this,would make a good audio,short but id like it...but text-wise its not tha best