unfinished freestyle

[Requiem]

i wrote this, about 4-5 lines, fixing to add to it, but this is it so far... leave feedback!

I don't really care what's goin' on in yo' head,
but if i get pissed off from some shit that you said,
i'ma drop you like k-Fed, i aint stoppin till you dead,
run for yo' life, cuz it aint safe to sleep in yo' bed,
maybe i should kill your wife instead,
you know, build my street cred......

[Link665]

the 2 last lines aren't simply lines they punch the other person.Cool freestyle man did you think of it at the same time you wrote it down?or you first(5-10 mins)before thought them?

[Steve Spag]

Pretty cool man. I liked it. Short and simple, lol. Keep it up, let me know when you update it.

[Requiem]

hey, i added a few lines, with a different rhymescheme, i think it's pretty good. let me know what you think. btw, Link, i did write this in one sitting.

I don't really care what's goin' on in yo' head,
but if i get pissed off from some shit that you said,
i'ma drop you like k-Fed, i aint stoppin till you dead,
run for yo' life, cuz it aint safe to sleep in yo' bed,
maybe i should kill your wife instead,
you know, build my street cred

I’m darin’ you, just get in my face,
I’ll show you the meaning of ‘bent out of shape’
Old fashioned scrap, out the back of a place
Hit you wit’ an uppercut, send you rocketin’ into space,
You start to run, like I won’t give chase, across the 50 states,
If I catch you, I guarantee you’ll vanish without a trace.

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

was for to simple man, it was just another writing peice ya know, there was nthing in there to make it indivudual the rhymes were rhymes you see off of every tom dick and harry and the concept wasnt there either

keep it up though

[Vettori]

ur doin ok..some of it was interestin u definatly have some flow problems, But if yu fix it i can see with the way yu use ur words it would smoothin out really well...i reccomend freestylin at this point with ur friends, or just in ur spare time..It will help u Conjer up your flow..Believe me it works...as well ur rhymes are a lil watered down...seems original kinda like stuff when i first started rhymin...try open ur vocab a bit more..I always reccomend reasearching random things on the internet..Ull slowely build