The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

can u pls check n feed...need it for a song

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

can u pls check n feed...need it for a song

Postby polluted » Dec 18th, '07, 12:23

SUGAR

REFRAIN:

Sugar ... That’s what I called you cuzz ... I go crazy when I behold you
Your image stalking me ...Your thoughts are lurking me … I told you


Baby, why I have to cry when you’re not close to me?
Your sweet face is so charming I’m losing my words n can’t speak
Every time I approach you my heart jumps outta me n start racing
Your sweet voice mesmerizes my limbs and brain
I cannot refrain from keep looking at you every time you there
You taking me deeper in life and without you I can’t start feeling
Life’s so killing me and cuts my veins when I don’t hold you
Every breath you take I thank God he created you to live
Every step you make I feel I need to be by your side forever
Thought you’re far makes me sadder and sadder
I keep going just because I know I need you
My blood keeps flowing just because I know I live you
I stay faithful cuzz I don’t need no any other
I’ll smother with kisses the ground you passed by
I’m hand-cuffed without you but I will fly
Cuzz I know you share that feeling n you wait me too
Baby, the moment we meet will make my life complete
You captured my dreams n it makes it even more sense
Cuzz I have you in my reality n my dreams are dense

Sugar ... That’s what I called you cuzz ... I go crazy when I behold you
Your image stalking me ...Your thoughts are lurking me … I told you
polluted
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 942
Joined: Jan 31st, '06, 08:02
Gender: Male

Re: can u pls check n feed...need it for a song

Postby Rain Matrix » Dec 18th, '07, 16:48

kinda hard to follow but for some reason I liked it
User avatar
Rain Matrix
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1967
Joined: Oct 6th, '06, 21:25
Location: In that mirage you saw.
Gender: Male

Re: can u pls check n feed...need it for a song

Postby polluted » Dec 19th, '07, 04:41

thank u dude...The flow hard to go with? What can do to straighten it? I need it smooth cuzz it's gonna go against house sample... :sweating:
polluted
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 942
Joined: Jan 31st, '06, 08:02
Gender: Male

Re: can u pls check n feed...need it for a song

Postby polluted » Dec 19th, '07, 08:23

DAmn ppl!!! CAn u quit simply lookin at it n say somting? Yall can read & type here right?
polluted
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 942
Joined: Jan 31st, '06, 08:02
Gender: Male

Re: can u pls check n feed...need it for a song

Postby yoshi » Dec 19th, '07, 14:44

i like it in general, it's sweet :happy: yeah, seems to me like the flow's hard to go at times, but i can't tell you what to do to make it better.. :sweating: :(
Maybe wrote:I'm so awesome, I don't mind looking desperate.

Chet wrote:Fuck House. If I wanted to watch a sarcastic person in the medical field, I would stalk Yoshi :8)
User avatar
yoshi
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19405
Joined: Feb 9th, '05, 21:10
Location: Poland, Warsaw
Gender: Female

Re: can u pls check n feed...need it for a song

Postby polluted » Dec 20th, '07, 04:43

yoshi wrote:i like it in general, it's sweet :happy: yeah, seems to me like the flow's hard to go at times, but i can't tell you what to do to make it better.. :sweating: :(



lol...eh...lemme translate u yosh: It's the worst shit I've ever seen but since we're cool I call it sweet...

lmao...:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :whistle: :o :unsure:


:'(
polluted
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 942
Joined: Jan 31st, '06, 08:02
Gender: Male

Re: can u pls check n feed...need it for a song

Postby yoshi » Dec 20th, '07, 18:52

rofl why always when i'm tryin to be nice, people think i'm jokin or bein sarcastic :-k


maybe because i always am?.. :'( rofl but i really liked it. :flower:
Maybe wrote:I'm so awesome, I don't mind looking desperate.

Chet wrote:Fuck House. If I wanted to watch a sarcastic person in the medical field, I would stalk Yoshi :8)
User avatar
yoshi
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19405
Joined: Feb 9th, '05, 21:10
Location: Poland, Warsaw
Gender: Female


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users