I Wrote This For My Girl (Feedback Please)

[-[Zach]-]

this love is wat keeps me goin
i wonder if your knowin
my love 4 you runs as deep as the ocean
all i'm hopin is you don't leave me 4 no one
without you there in my life there is no sun
so one day i plan 2 make this all official
place a ring on your finger n lean in 2 kiss you
settle down with you n hav a family
can that b wats planned 4 me?
damn baby i sure hope it is
cuz wat i got 4 you is TRUE LOVE i kno it is
with you there ain't a thing i can't do
so at night i get on my knees n thank God that i have you
if you laff i laff too, if you shed a tear my heart bleeds
we 2 different people but our love makes us share 1 heart beat
are we meant 2 be?
yes you best believe
so its gon b 11/25/07-TIL THE DEATH OF ME

any kind of feedback would be appreciated. i really want her to like this lol

[soperman005]

i wouldnt put "fuck" in a poem to my gf

[-[Zach]-]

lol good point. thanks

[SajN]

Nice one

Is it Rap or Poem ?

Well, it don't matter because it's very well written

Your girl is gonna be happy, I guess

[-[Zach]-]

thank you. its just a poem really. but i just hope she likes it.

[Hadez]

its pretty good. but me personally, if i was writing to a girlfriend or girl i liked, i would try and include some things that make it more personal and specific to her or our relationship. i noticed most the stuff you said were all kinda generic things that you could say to anybody. not that its bad, but if you really want to impress her, personalize it so its made to fit her. just a suggestion.

if this was just a "love song" in general then its pretty good man.

[-[Zach]-]

thanks for the advice and suggestions man. i didn't even think about personalizing it for some reason lol my mind was just on making something to impress her and make her say "awwwwwww" lol but yea i will definately try and do that next time if there is a next time lol