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6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

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6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Hadez » Jan 13th, '08, 08:44

here's six lines from a song i started a few weeks ago. its all i got so far but i wanted to get some outside opinions about how its goin.

White globes, spheres with green in the middle
Light though, like what's seen in a pickle
Blank orbs, balls with blue in the core
Take course, spot the two from before
Causin the master to pause in his stance
Shock is a factor when locked in this glance

the structure is a lil off in terms of text, but each pair of lines have the same syllables. so in a sense its nearly perfect. :sweating:
i dont think an explination is needed :unsure: . but if somebody doesn't get it or if somebody doesn't see it the way i meant it to be then i'll gladly explain.

feedback greatly appreciated. :flower:
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby SajN » Jan 13th, '08, 15:01

Like it so far.
It's a cool rhyming scheme.
Nice multies and rhymes :y:
Since it's so little I can't say so much, but I am waiting for more ;)
Keep It Up :y: :y:

Feed mine aswell: The Future..
! Is He Nuts? No, He's InSajN !
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Arabian Shady » Jan 13th, '08, 19:14

its goin gd so far,
finish it so that we get a gd idea abt ur lay out cause right now it sounds like a chant for some balck magic
Blank orbs, balls with blue in the core
Take course, spot the two from before


kiddin , lol

complete it tho,
peace :b:
ArAbIaN ShAdY


We're all on the same page, Yet we're standing apart on different lines'
So when we face rage, Ya'll fake it and let THEM commit horrific crimes
50 years & going straight, Yet this performance aint worth your time,OUR
Shit is BACKSTAGE,Cause the front page aint worth Kashmir and Palestine.
"Front Page",Arabian Shady


FiNd mE At dA "CREATIVE SECTION", I AM ULTIMATE INNOVATION!!
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Hadez » Jan 13th, '08, 19:51

thanks guys :y:

i'll write some more soon to hopefully finish it off as a full verse that ties up the meaning at the end.

thanks for the feed :b:
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Tash8 » Jan 13th, '08, 22:46

Aite well I like ur rhme scheme but the last two bars basically all words rhymed, I don't like that

Overall its not bad, but not nearly up to ur level
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Hadez » Jan 13th, '08, 23:01

Tash8 wrote:Aite well I like ur rhme scheme but the last two bars basically all words rhymed, I don't like that

Overall its not bad, but not nearly up to ur level

thanks tash.
i was tryin to go about it a different way. i'll complete the verse and see if i was successful or not.
thanks for the feed. :y:
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Jay-19 » Jan 14th, '08, 14:39

I liked it very much, great multies! Can't find anyhing to complain about, great work man!
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Hadez » Jan 14th, '08, 21:25

^ thanks im glad you liked it :happy:
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Hadez » Jan 24th, '08, 08:16

Chet wrote:loved it man

thanks :happy:
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Ka0t1c » Jan 24th, '08, 08:28

pretty damn good there, very creative :y: :y:
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
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Re: 6 Lines (opinions appreciated)

Postby Hadez » Jan 24th, '08, 08:57

^ thanks i appreciate it :happy:

im gonna try to add a lil more to it tonight so hopefully i'll have updates.

thanks to everybody who gave feed :y:
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