The Future -- Only two verses

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

for me this is your best work, feels as if you put alot more time into it

the rhyme structure and flow is consistent through-out exept one or 2 parts that dont work 100% but they have already been brought up.

keep it up man your defiantly improving from your last peice i read and you seem to have mor eof a understanding of how it works now

good work

[SajN]

Thanks Bar

I also feel that this is my best.
If I could english perfect, I would have done better than that.



Hmm.. I just wonder... should I say this after the song ends (after chorus):

"A wise man once said, you can do anything you set your mind to man.. maybe he is right.
Think about it.."

It's just a thought. I can't make a decision to whether use it or not.
What do you think?

[SajN]

I have added what I've written so far in the 3rd verse.

And I have changed this.

"I like saying what I think, I don't care if you turn pink" (From 2nd verse)

So now I would like some tips to how to continue, and also feed on the third part, and the song overall.

If it's something you're wondering just ask..

[Hadez]

not sure i like the 3rd verse as much, so far at least. its not bad by any means, but it almost doesn't seem to fit. i see the connection to the other two verses that you're tryin to make, but it doesn't quite go together. as if the third verse is a cousin of the other two, instead of a sibling. related but not. u feel me?

but judging the verse by itself its pretty good. still not as good as the others when put by themselves, but its good regardless.

I couldn’t Understand Myself. I Ran through Hell. I couldn’t Handle it Well.

the underlined part kinda throws off that line.
but that's really the only flaw i see. fiddle with it some more and see if you can bring it up to the level of the other two.

keep it up

[SajN]

I get you.
The third verse was supposed to be where I tell from what I've experienced, and then later tell how I broke out of everything and tried to decide my future.. Honestly, I also think that I should change the whole verse.. And use it to another song.. but I don't know how to start the third, or what I can tell about there..
If anyone could give a tip, it¨s all good

Thanks for the feed, I appreciate it



"A wise man once said, you can do anything you set your mind to man.. maybe he is right.
Think about it.."


I just wonder... should I say this after the song ends (after chorus):
I think it's kinda fits to say this, but it's just a thought. I can't make a decision to whether use it or not.
What do you think?

[Steve Spag]

Really good job man. The rhyme scheme is complex, it took me a while to find the right flow, but it was cool. Keep it up dude

[SajN]

Thank you Steve
Appreciate it.


I've been thinking about what Hadez said, I felt that he was right, so I wrote a new start of "3rd Verse", but I am not putting it out here right now.

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

id re do the thirds verse (well the start of it) it flows different to the other 2 verses and the rhyming isnt as good

its still nice and the conctent is good, just needs tighting up a little man

[SajN]

I have re-done the verse. Did it yesterday. But I'm going to write more to it before I put it out on Trshady.
So I get what you're saying.
But still, thanks for the feed.....again

[Xray]

damn this song (text) blew up dope verses and nice hook

[SajN]

damn this song (text) blew up dope verses and nice hook

Thanks for feed man
What is hook ?
I always thought it's the same as chorus, but you said nice hook, while I didn't have a chorus.
So I guess it mean something else, what ?

[Jay-19]

I think the two other verses are better than the 3:rd so far however. But the 3:rd is also good, and I'm waiting to see the rest of verse 3!

[Inzanity]

That was great man. Thank's for sharing my favorite line's are

The moon is sinking, the sun is Rising.
Pull away the Curtains, let the Light In.
I don’t wanna Hurt 'Em, but now I’m Fightin’.
against these People, with all I’m Writin’


I like shit I can relate to and I can relate to that. When I read it, it reminded me of my ex.

[Inzanity]

That was great man. Thank's for sharing my favorite line's are

The moon is sinking, the sun is Rising.
Pull away the Curtains, let the Light In.
I don’t wanna Hurt 'Em, but now I’m Fightin’.
against these People, with all I’m Writin’

I like shit I can relate to and I can relate to that. When I read it, it reminded me of my ex.

[Inzanity]

That was great man. Thank's for sharing my favorite line's are

The moon is sinking, the sun is Rising.
Pull away the Curtains, let the Light In.
I don’t wanna Hurt 'Em, but now I’m Fightin’.
against these People, with all I’m Writin’

I like shit I can relate to and I can relate to that. When I read it, it reminded me of my ex.