started a new rap. feed please. SCOTT

[ilovemeghan]

I’m so sorry that I left you broken hearted
It must feel like choking harshly and cutting your heart open ghastly
Cheating happens when I joke and party. I’ve cheated before but I hope I’ve started
To show I’m sorry, and not leave you feeling so departed
It must be hurting sadly, like your blood is squirting badly
Leaving open gashes, But I’m hoping gladly
That you’ll forgive me for the way I broke your heart
You must be feeling like I’ve ripped your bones apart
It’s no joke to laugh; you must be in a pain that you won’t surpass
I didn’t know that thrilling three, girls in one night would end up killing me
But it was done unwillingly
I was left crying, my tears were left drying
But you where cautious, you were like ‘what’s next, lying?’
I was left denying that I would cheat again
I’ll tell you every time I go out to ‘meet a friend’
It’s like she pretends that she didn’t even know that I was taken
Its just lies and faking,
They just hide and make it seem that I have waited for them to come onto me when I don’t even know how many drinks that I have taken
But when I’m drunk I tend to lose control
Like I should choose to fold my arms, but I leave them open and that’s the truth be told
I hope you forgive me for what I’ve done; for it was not a lot of fun

[Hadez]

seems like an awful long verse to just say sorry for cheating. but wutever.

the structure needs alot of work. some of the stuff you bolded didn't even rhyme. like "open ghastly." that didnt go with anything until 2 or three lines down when you put stuff like "badly", and by then the reader has forgotten that you've attempted to rhyme it with something so it didn't matter in the end.

but regardless of its flaws, its much more creative than your "stan remake" since you actually did this yourself. keep practicing.

[ilovemeghan]

i'm english.. open ghastly rhymes different in england. ghastly is different in an english accent.

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

i'm english.. open ghastly rhymes different in england. ghastly is different in an english accent.

lol shitty excuse, i know how to prounounce the word and the only thing it could rhyme with is Harshly witch is a very obscure rhyme and you would have to prounounce slightly different than how its prounounced in english

[Ka0t1c]

well on a good note, i was impressed with most parts, work on your structure, that will help you big time, believe me, i used to be terrible with structure... somebody's gotta remember how ugly it was...

ne ways keep it up man

[Rain Matrix]

well this isn't anywhere near wack

just keep pursuing tha true rap

good luck to u