Live For The Moment;please feed...

[Rap Dogg]

Aiyo,this is part of the verse from ma new song Live For The Moment.So here it is:

Crowd in front of you,just stop breathin.People are talkin,I must listen,
so I don't fall.So many hard desicions,it's so difficult to satisfy my starved ambitions.
This fuckin life is far then vicious.People excpect me to rap,up on the stage,an i'm just scared of gettin choked,
scared of seein ma raps blast in smoke,although I know I'm so fast an dope.
Life is not like that,it slaps an pokes,just hope I'm not gonna pass it broke,
I know what's good cuz lot of times I tasted wrong.Only thing I got is this rhymes I'm tapein on beats,so many friends,but none of 'em is payin ma bills.It feels like a sharpshooter,I'm chasin that kill.
Nothin else,except death can be replacin ma will.It's love for the music plus the money I need,
no better combination,I starve an I bleed,not so worried for me,but one day I'll have ma kids an honey to feed.
Only thing I ask maself is:''will this bummy succeed?''

Please tell me what you think.I think it's really dope shit.

[Ka0t1c]

so many friends,but none of 'em is payin ma bills.It feels like a sharpshooter,I'm chasin that kill

that's the only line i like out of all of this so keep working on your rhymes, it flows well, delivery is good but fresh rhymes would help, something not so basic and common... something original would help

[SajN]

I gotta agree with Kaotic.
Work on some of your lines and rhymes.
It's an ok drop, but not good enough.

[Epidemik]

I gotta agree with Kaotic.
Work on some of your lines and rhymes.
It's an ok drop, but not good enough.

[Rap Dogg]

thanks for tellin.I'll work on that.