LOS ANGELES, CA - Eminem has announced that he plans to publish his own children’s book entitled Daddy, Why’s Mama a Dirty Whore? The book will help fathers explain to their children why they have a terrible mother.
“There’s gonna be a page or two about how your mama cheats on your daddy and gave him crabs once, and then about how she steals his money so you can’t take dance classes. I wanna make sure I also touch on how your mama is a crack addict who sometimes sells her loosey goosey for drugs,” Eminem said.
Eminem’s inspiration was My Beautiful Mommy, by Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a children’s book which helps mothers talk to their kids about plastic surgery. “I’m thinkin’, yeah kids’ll get freaked when they mama shows up with a new nose. But what if that new nose is ‘cuz she got popped in the face by her coke dealer? Nobody’s focusing on the kids with evil bitches for mamas.”
Eminem certainly has the experience and background for this kind of book. His 1999 debut album, The Slim Shady LP, includes a song called “‘97 Bonnie and Clyde” in which he explains to his daughter Hayley that he’s killed her mother and stuffed her in the trunk of the car. “That wasn’t real, that was fantasy,” Eminem explained, “but for real her mama is a nasty ho, and I never knew how to say it to Hayley without hurting her feelings.” Eminem has a long and dramatic relationship with Kim Mathers, Hayley’s mother.
When asked for comment, Mrs. Mathers said, “I am a bit tired of being portrayed as this horrible shrew, but you know so far it’s made Marshall millions and I can’t complain about that. I drive a Bentley, so as far as I’m concerned he can rap about how Dr. Dre is Hayley’s real dad, or how I burned his recording studio to the ground, all of which may or may not be true.”
Eminem’s manager is excited about the book deal. “Madonna did it, and Rosie O’Donnell, even Whoopi. We’re going to get an amazing artist to make really lifelike renditions of drugs, pimps, and triflin’ mamas. Kids finally don’t have to grow up in the dark, only to find out later that their mom is a dirty, dirty slut. Depending on the success of this book, we may ask Heather Locklear to write Your Daddy is a Washed-up Womanizing Son of a Bitch.”
Source: http://www.seriouscelebritynewsnetwork. ... -book.html
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... so I just made that correction 
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