[4 lines] Hey Music

[SajN]

I'm back

I just wrote 4 lines for a song I'm doing. it's to our love, also known as music

So this what I started with, I'll see maybe something needs to get changed.
Any feedback is appreciated.


"I looked at you as a friend, not entertainment/
someone who carried me, through my days when/
I wasn't SajN and, I didn't knew I was changin'/
but you made me, look at everything as a playland/"

[Steve Spag]

haha, thats pretty sick man. nice little rhyme-scheme, lol. and the flow was cool.

keep it up

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

nice lines, not much i can say apart from try keep the structure consistent when writing the rest of it thatll make sure you get a good verse

[SajN]

Thanks to both of you

[SajN]

I know it's short but..... Bump...

[Emadyville]

I think the concept is good, to look at music as a friend in a song other than just music. I like the start so finish it I think it has great potential.

[Jay-19]

Yeah, cool concept man. I've been thinking about the same concept actually, to look at music as a person you really know well, but I couldn't come up with shit. It all turned out to sound ridiculous and silly. But this is a promising beginning man. Could be a dope song if the following rhymes keep the same standard as those 4. Keep it up dawg!

[SajN]

Thanks to both of you
It's for a collab... but you won't know with who

[Emadyville]

is it me?

[SajN]

is it me?

no, why u think that ?

No for real, it is for a collab, but with who? You'll see when we upload the track here..

[enjinn]

dope lil 4 lines...this is gonna be good!

[SajN]

Thanks enjinn


I've written more to it, but I'll post the newest when I have the full verse

[Hadez]

it's hard to judge with just 4 lines, although it looks promising. i would like to see more to judge how you use the 4 lines with the rest of the verse. it'd be really easy to have these 4 lines be good then have everything else suck toes. i've seen it happen before .

[SajN]

Thanks for checking it out dawg

Yeah, I hope the other lines will also satisfy you guys

it'd be really easy to have these 4 lines be good then have everything else suck toes. i've seen it happen before .

you ain't talking about me, are you ?

[Hadez]

^^^ no i mean i've seen where some people would show me some stuff they wrote, then it turned to garbage when they added to it. not you specifically. just in general.