The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

NEW - Loser

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

NEW - Loser

Postby Solace » Oct 11th, '08, 00:34

lol
Last edited by Solace on Jun 30th, '11, 17:36, edited 19 times in total.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby Dawgs » Oct 11th, '08, 01:00

When did you start writing songs?
Where is this verse for? :unsure:
User avatar
Dawgs
Closet Cleaner
Closet Cleaner
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Feb 9th, '08, 01:38
Location: The Netherlands
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby Solace » Oct 11th, '08, 01:20

Dawgs wrote:When did you start writing songs?
Where is this verse for? :unsure:

A couple months ago.

And i think you mean "what is this verse for", right? Its for getting my feelings out for the guy im talking about in the song.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby Robbie G » Oct 11th, '08, 01:30

It was alright. Was it about something that actually happened?

I almost feel like it's too generic, but maybe not if it's about real experience.

Keep it up. :y:
User avatar
Robbie G
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9138
Joined: Jun 25th, '07, 03:04
Location: USA
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby Solace » Oct 11th, '08, 01:33

Shady Babie wrote:It was alright. Was it about something that actually happened?

I almost feel like it's too generic, but maybe not if it's about real experience.

Keep it up. :y:

Yeah it happened today so im pretty pissed and the guy wont leave me alone about it.

Thanks btw, :y:
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby The Toy Soldier » Oct 11th, '08, 02:47

I liek it expresses anger shows true bravery.
The Toy Soldier
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 517
Joined: Jul 1st, '08, 00:38
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby ShAdY CaPo 08 » Oct 11th, '08, 03:00

thats badass
see they can trigger me but they'll never figure me out...

Image

-Lil Jimmy.
User avatar
ShAdY CaPo 08
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 392
Joined: Sep 26th, '08, 16:38
Location: Atlanta, Ga. to Detroit, Mi.
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby Solace » Oct 11th, '08, 03:10

The Toy Soldier wrote:I liek it expresses anger shows true bravery.

Thanks again :y:

ShAdY CaPo 08 wrote:thats badass


Thanks to you too :happy:
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby Solace » Oct 12th, '08, 00:05

Bumpity bump bump, bump bump...

Finished first verse.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby neversnooze » Oct 12th, '08, 03:06

sorry about your lose shady. it didnt rhyme as much and it was like reading a letter.

there was nothing unique about this write and it sounded like an original(something most ppl have already written)

overall it was ok :)
Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed
User avatar
neversnooze
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 997
Joined: Jun 11th, '08, 17:00
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser (UNDONE)

Postby Solace » Oct 12th, '08, 03:30

I dont see how it didnt rhyme much, but thanks. Yeah its pretty generic. Thanks for checkin man :y:
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser

Postby Solace » Oct 12th, '08, 21:53

BUMP im done.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser

Postby Emadyville » Oct 12th, '08, 23:24

I think it was just ok. Nothing special, the rhymes were nothing special, and like dude said was kinda like an e-letter or something, not knocking you you said this shit happened, that's still how it comes off tho. Not the greatest i'm not going to lie, should scrap this one, you can do better.
Menzo wrote:Its cuz you're dope and Daddy Dubs. No one fucks with that


I love you Daren
User avatar
Emadyville
Django
Django
 
Posts: 24833
Joined: Jan 17th, '08, 15:58
Location: Catasauqua PA
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser

Postby Solace » Oct 12th, '08, 23:59

Emadyville wrote:I think it was just ok. Nothing special, the rhymes were nothing special, and like dude said was kinda like an e-letter or something, not knocking you you said this shit happened, that's still how it comes off tho. Not the greatest i'm not going to lie, should scrap this one, you can do better.



Really? Damn. Thanks for the honesty tho :flower: Should i really just scrap it, or could i like do something to make it better?
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: NEW - Loser

Postby Requiem » Oct 13th, '08, 02:46

i thought it was decent. ^like he said, nothing too special, but concept was great. and i can feel the emotion there. sucks that it happened, but it's good to have a medium to vent ur anger.

keep it up, man. just hone ur skill, keep grindin, u'll get there :y: like i started at 14, i'm 17 now and ill.
ur 13, and u got years smooth out ur own style. i can see the potential :8)
R.I.P. Proof.
Image
propz to Solace

I AM the dark knight, I AM Nightmare Moon, bronies beware

STAREOTYPE! It's official!
http://www.reverbnation.com/stareotype


James R. - who said you wouldn't meet nice people on the internet?
User avatar
Requiem
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2164
Joined: Jun 24th, '07, 07:35
Gender: Male

Next

Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron