The Girl, and the Tablet.

[The Toy Soldier]

i once thought i liekd you shit convinced myself to love
but when we broke up, it felt like a ripped up glove;
you can't believe whats happening, just what will we do?
i don't know shit cuz im too busy being in love with you
this aint just another love song, no this is somethin more
cuz my feelings for you were different than the old whore
oh right you know the one who always fucking intervened in our relationship
what is beyond me and always will be is the existence of your friendship
with that slut that practically broke us up!
it seemed like yesterday that i would say your name to myself to warm me right up
but hten you left my life leaving me all lke "wuuut"
i remmebr the times we kissed before school, though it was brief
to me, it was eternity
now how do you want me to show my maturity
when you betrayed my love leaving me in deep scrutiny
how did i know this was happening? you didnt say anything
about the fact that you were going away, you aint say nothing
these words can't explain it, nor the tears on my face
i miss you a shit load but why essie why didnt you tell me!
i deserved an explanation i was worthy of your love see?
cuz no other boyfriend would plead you to stay not yesterday
not tomorrow, im the only one who will ever feel sorrow!
i have anguish for you, you left me in this nervous wreck
but in spite of it all, i guess its for the best
youll truly be happy away from me
but Estacy, you'll always be my Ecstacy.....

just some shit i pulled out of my brain explaining how i felt for this girl named estacy dig it or not leave some feedback danx

[James R.]

Sorry for the situation man.

Feedback wise I liked the emotion. The flow was off, the rhyming was kinda blah. You rhymed simple words with themselves like up and up which always kind of irks me. Overall it was good because of the emotions, but mechanically it was sub-par. The flow and structure need work. You want to keep a close number of syllables in each line. I'd also suggest rhyming two lines at a time. There were a couple times when the end of your lines didn't rhyme. And if you're going to do that then you need to rhyme at least another time or two in the line. Keep writing man.

[The Toy Soldier]

Sorry for the situation man.

Feedback wise I liked the emotion. The flow was off, the rhyming was kinda blah. You rhymed simple words with themselves like up and up which always kind of irks me. Overall it was good because of the emotions, but mechanically it was sub-par. The flow and structure need work. You want to keep a close number of syllables in each line. I'd also suggest rhyming two lines at a time. There were a couple times when the end of your lines didn't rhyme. And if you're going to do that then you need to rhyme at least another time or two in the line. Keep writing man.

aight thnx man ill keep trying i guess i came back kinda crappy sinc ei havent written in like months but thanks you have an honest opinion i respect that.