My Passion

by **MC Anonymous** » Feb 15th, '09, 01:15

Song: http://www.zshare.net/audio/55636406568fb481/

Lyrics

Wake up, it's a new day, crew slayed, who pays
my ways, get slaughtered due to the true days
when I was a youngin, bummin, sippin' love
a drippin dove, bloodied and beaten by the above
forces lovin', droppin' sickness, quickness let this
check list of death's wish hit me with a wet fist
I stagger quietly, silently, asking for forgiveness
stabbing daggers into the sky, dark and hopeless
how do I cope this, put this feeling in my chest to rest
the best is left, and the weak are exposed like breasts
I chose my vest, and I wear it with mistaken pride
I've taken lives, and not in the sense of those who died
Hold on to my arms, girl you gave me eyes.

Your love, your face, my voice will really show
How I love you, more then you will ever know
never glow with a blackened hue, depression too
will be blown to the wayside, when I see you
I know it's true, I know this love will last
feeling past the time seperated, runnin' fast
down the isle of doubt, appear loved in the sky
with a throne of gold, marked by you and I
Distance requires strenght, so lets hold on
as long as we possibly can, hope it's never gone
remember this song, I wrote it to reveal my mind
and fight doubt, cause' doubt really makes the eyes blind
This rhyme was designed, to make your smile shine
hold on to my lines, until the end of time

Melodies can't express how I feel
I just wanted to keep it real
Hold on to my rhymes, keep them close
your the type of girl that I can boast
A dedicated song, from my heart
I knew we were meant to be from the start
feelings this deep require honesty
so how can I ever possibly
Tell you everything I mean in a song
I'm sorry this couldn't be so long...

by **slimsoxshady** » Feb 15th, '09, 01:34

good job, solid track...a lot of emotion and energy
i have a suggestion about the vocal mixing...i think you would sound better on this beat with some reverb, ur vocals sound too dry...also i heard some pops in the p's
8/10

by **MC Anonymous** » Feb 15th, '09, 01:36

slimsoxshady wrote:good job, solid track...a lot of emotion and energy
i have a suggestion about the vocal mixing...i think you would sound better on this beat with some reverb, ur vocals sound too dry...also i heard some pops in the p's
8/10

Thanks dude. I added reverb but I guess it was to little. The pops I can't stop until I get a filter. >.>
Great feed man. :y:

by **slimsoxshady** » Feb 15th, '09, 02:08

haha then ur not gonna like my other feed...i just kinda vented on ur other song lol

by **MC Anonymous** » Feb 15th, '09, 02:08

slimsoxshady wrote:haha then ur not gonna like my other feed...i just kinda vented on ur other song lol

Haha I saw, go read my responce.

by **Requiem** » Feb 15th, '09, 02:55

really good man :y:

mixing was good, and overlay's were sick as hell. a little more reverb would make it better, but great job man.
lyrics were good, and no obvious flow fall offs. good emotion, and same for verse 2.

great track man :8)

solid 8/10 :happy:

by **DelinQuent** » Feb 15th, '09, 03:28

first off, turn down the overlays a lot. the overlays really shouldnt stand out that much.

flow on the first verse is a bit choppy, but not bad. the last line of this does not make any sense to go with the rest of this verse, didnt realize this was a love song till that line.

second verse, flow is off toward the middle/end of the verse. decent verse.

third verse, would have worked if you had matched the syllables. i mean like this
"A dedicated song, from my heart
I knew we were meant to be from the start
feelings this deep require honesty"
you went for a more poetic approach on the 3rd verse but it didnt work since you didnt match syllables. with matched syllables you could have had one steady cadence so that some lines didnt feel so out of place when listening.

overall, a decent track. delivery needs a lot of work, you're screaming just the way you were on that other track, this is supposed to be a love track. with a slow down tempo beat like that you need to match it with your delivery so the song feels completely enjoyable. keep at it :y: