here r a few i found on some websites pretty funny but sad stuff lol--)
"Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!"
"I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat"
"I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress"
"in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction… “I love Los Angeles too!"
"I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction ? She vomited"
"I’ve learnt that the girl I love thinks I’m gay. To be honest, I’m having doubts too"
"for the first time I had sex with my girlfriend, unfortunately afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I’m not sure she’ll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML"
"my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer".
"my 14-year-old little sister asked me how I felt when I had my first sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said "I thought it was nice". I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin"
"I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting..... Her parents own it"
"when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother in law"
"it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she bought for me. I said joking: "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie
"I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints"
I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing.
Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!"
Today, I'm 20 years old and never been kissed. FML
Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics
Today, while waiting for class, I let out a huge fart in front of everyone thinking no one would hear it over the music. I was wearing headphones.
Today, Yahoo personals suggested 2 matches for me, a tranny, as an 87% match, and my own personal ad at only a 76% match. I am not even good enough to date myself
Today, I get to see my boyfriend again after a month. So I decided to shave my pubic hair in the shape of a heart. After my little striptease, he gasped in admiration "Aaaw, Batman sign!
so do u guys/girls/pimps/hoes have any fuck my life moments?
sorry to hear that dude 
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