classthe_king wrote:Solace never posted his, he showed it to me on msn and Spyder posted his on another account, I forget what it was.
But no, you're wrong.
But they can't see what I can see there's a vacancy in my tummy
It's makin' me play hide n' seek like Jason I'm so hungry
She's naked see no privacy but I can see she wants me
So patient see I try to be but Gee why does she taunt me
Pulls the drapes and she goes right to sleep and I creep right through the front seat
So blatantly but silently cuz I know that she's sound sleep
Who's wakin' me so violently and why is he on top of me
He's rapin' me she try's to scream somebody please get him off me
He's tapin' me he's biting me he's laughing likes it's funny
She's scrapin' me she's fightin' me she's scratching like some dumb freak
Escapin' me no dice ya see I might just be Ted Bundy
Or Satan gee what a site to see I'm dancing in my red panties
I'm crazy but it's alright with me man life can be so empty
Stay away from me cuz I'm dancing to quite a different drum beat
tummy doesn't rhyme with taunt me, neither rhyme with sound sleep or off me or panties or empty. He's deffinitely forced rhymes with the accent. Then the internals are not impressive at all, outside of the fact that there is a lot of them. But quality > quantity. The long a and the lone e are the easiest syllables to rhyme. In the middle he's not even trying to be creative. Wakin me, rapin me, tapin me, scrapin me and escapin me are not good rhymes. Not to mention the fact that the lines don't go together at all outside of the fact it's about serial killing. He randomly goes back and forth between the rapist and the rape victim without any notification. It's all in the same voice. He goes back and forth between 1st person and third person too
"He's rapin me, she tries to scream, somebody please get him off me"
That's not beaing creative to tell a good story, that's forcing rhymes. The last four lines are the worst. No dice ya see? What was the point of that, and saying he's dancing in his red panties is just stupid. The last line also has nothing to do with anything.
That verse = not good rhyming.
I never said he DOESN'T force rhymes I just informed you that he doesn't do it constantly as in... 80% of the time. I know he forces it.
And the 2nd verse is pretty much rhyming whole bars if that's not impressive then I don't know what is. Sure, the words he's using to rhyme aren't as impressive as he's used to but what are you gonna rhyme with when you're pretty much rhyming entire lines? Just because of the fact he's rhyming about 14 syllables is outstanding enough for me. Are the multis Rock Bottom quality? No. Are there more multis here than in Rock Bottom? Whether you like it or not, yes. I don't really mind the quality of the multis in here maybe because the quantity outweighs that. About the rapist and rape victim transition, he let's you know by simply saying she or he repeatedly during the line. He can't switch to narrator because he's telling the story from HIS point of view.
Well, I'll give you that this story isn't as creative as some of his other ones but it paints a perfect picture in mind so I enjoy it. And I'll also give you that I don't understand the usage of dice ya see but the red panties line is funny and it's vivid imo. The last line is connected to the red panties line in which he said he was dancing.
