The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

rise up or die

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

rise up or die

Postby ¤°~ Jose ~¤°© » Nov 26th, '07, 19:25

hmm..

if i find that fear in your eyes you betta rise up or die
time to shine when you see that killer instinct inside my eyes
no matter what improvise or else feel my wrath unveil so unreal
it's deal or no deal would u face me or be a quitter n' squeal
i'll be pollutin' more than an automobile are u really a true fighter
a warrior who won't relinquish like a cigarette lighter lightin' up brighter
tighter above the rest every time u set forth no matter how intense the pain
cuz its just a weakness its all mental inside ya brain just don't complain
get fired up pumped up with blood flowin' in ya veins like hard fallin' rain
¤°~ Jose ~¤°©
 

Re: rise up or die

Postby Steve Spag » Nov 26th, '07, 20:18

You had some pretty cool lines in there, but it seems like there were way too many words in there. The flow was hard to find for it because of that. Keep it up.
Former Rap God
Image
Image
User avatar
Steve Spag
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3055
Joined: Jul 14th, '06, 21:08
Location: Top Secret.
Gender: Male

Re: rise up or die

Postby ¤°~ Jose ~¤°© » Nov 26th, '07, 20:22

thanx for the feed..

yea i know i haven't wrote anything in months for that matter plus i just wanted to see if i still got it haha
¤°~ Jose ~¤°©
 


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users